***Today is my mother's birthday. She was born April 9, 1941 and she flew home to God on October 26, 1994. The day before she passed away, she promised my oldest brother, John that she would be waiting for him on the day of his death. A few years later, my brother, Jim was diagnosed with duodenal cancer. He fought it for 2 years and finally succumbed to it 9 years ago today at 1:00 AM on what would have been the celebration of Mom's 60th birthday. In the moments before Jim's passing, John stepped out of the room and talked to Mom in his heart. He said to her "That promise you made to me the day before you died, I want you to make it true for Jim right now." As I held Jim's hand, he looked at me with fear in his eyes. He wanted to fight for his life. His last words an hour earlier were "I don't want to die". But he was so tired and in so much pain. As John asked Mom to be there waiting for Jim, I believe God allowed her to come to us and embrace her son as he struggled his way out of this life's cocoon. John was coming back into the room when Jim began to fight for his last breath. John and I held Jim's hands and Dad placed his hand gently on Jim's leg as we watched his soul flutter away. This was the most painful moment my soul has ever experienced. It was more difficult than my mother's passing and even my husband's passing. I can't even say why, just that Jim was my brother and in a way, my childhood soul mate. He was the one who walked me home from my 1st day of kindergarten so I would not get lost. He was always there to help me find my way. As difficult as the moment of his death was, I treasure it. I can not imagine my life without it. When my life began, it was the 5 of us. And somehow, God saw fit to grant us the mercy that the 5 of us were there when Jim fluttered his wings and flew away.
Jim, I love you and I miss you. Please be there waiting for me when it is time for me to come out of this cocoon. How else will your little sister find her way home?